Just kidding, how could I not know how to fix computers. If a laptop gets slow, take a screwdriver, open the panel, remove the keyboard, clean the dust, reapply thermal paste, put it back together and boot it up, so easy.

What, your laptop is broken? Then I can't help you fix it, sorry. If I help you fix it, I'll have to bear the following consequences:

• 1. If I accidentally break it while taking it apart, I'll have to compensate you.
• 2. If I'm lucky and the computer works normally after reassembly, you'll just say thank you and then think it's something I should do.
• 3. In the future, you'll often bring all kinds of laptops from your friends for me to repair.
• 4. You'll make more demands until I can't do them. For example, cleaning junk files or overclocking to make the system ten times faster.
• 5. When I can't meet your demands, you'll say: "Aren't you a computer science major?"

If I don't fix it for you, but instead give you some good advice. If the laptop is still under warranty, I suggest you go to after-sales service for free repair, and you'd say, it's so far away, so troublesome, can you send it for me. If the laptop is out of warranty, I suggest you go to the computer mall and find a professional to clean it, and you'd say, oh, it costs 20 yuan, well, I think I trust your skills more, I'm afraid the computer mall people might break it, so you'd better fix it.

"Sorry, I don't know how to fix it" is just an excuse chosen after years of experience to best avoid trouble. Why don't I fix it for you? Simply because you're neither my close relative, nor my close friend, nor my boss.

The 20 military rules for computer repair, always keep them in mind:

• 1. First remember this: never admit you are an expert, because this title comes at a price.
• 2. After receiving a strange call, be sure to ask clearly what the other person wants, and then tell him/her where you are currently located.
• 3. Never try to solve a problem over the phone or QQ. The other person probably doesn't know what a menu is. This can't be blamed on them, only on yourself, because you're always too lazy to explain it to them.
• 4. Don't expect to solve the problem immediately, because what you encounter is always a crashed system or a system on the verge of crashing.
• 5. If the other person allows you to reinstall the system, then don't try to do any repair work, because reinstalling the system is the fastest way to solve the problem.
• 6. Apart from asking which data needs to be backed up, don't ask the other person any questions, unless you have particularly strong psychological tolerance.
• 7. Learn to be conservative. Before starting each job, remember to tell the other person: "I may not be able to finally solve the problem, do you still want to continue?"
• 8. Checking the computer's appearance is always the first priority. Check whether the cables are connected properly, whether the USB ports have other devices connected, etc.
• 9. Trust the noise immunity of hardware. As much as possible, don't open the other person's computer case.
• 10. Not being seen as a doctor, but instead being regarded as a destroyer, that is a very sad thing.
• 11. Be mentally prepared to be criticized, because people who don't understand computers often know how to judge others. If someone says their memory has 200G, never correct them saying it's the hard drive, otherwise, your bad luck is coming.
• 12. People who don't know what a menu is generally also know what virtual memory is. Just adjust it according to their requirements; after all, this won't affect your ability to complete the repair work.
• 13. Tell the other person that you don't have any antivirus software. Otherwise, any antivirus software you install is the worst and has the most problems.
• 14. Don't make yourself an expert at handling printer failures. Let me tell you, printers have far more troubles than computers.
• 15. Firmly refuse to help others buy computers, especially custom-built ones, unless you want to be accused of taking kickbacks, and then happily run over every day to help them deal with failures.
• 16. Don't dislike the following two sentences; they will accompany you for a long time: First: "My computer has another big problem." Second: "You'd better come over and take a look for me."
• 17. Try not to touch other people's computers. Otherwise, several days later, this action of yours will cause their system to crash and bring complaints.
• 18. Don't correct others' mistakes unless you have super strong ability to persuade others.
• 19. As much as possible, don't transfer any electronic documents to each other, because your files are very likely to be accused of being a virus.
• 20. Don't be afraid of accusations, because you can't escape them.

Original source: Zhihu Daily