One, the boss's jargon

Come to my office for a moment ==I've just thought of another brilliant idea

Need to focus on user experience ==Make the interface prettier

The product doesn't feel young enough ==Turn all saturations up to maximum

The product doesn't feel mature enough ==Make the whole interface black

The product isn't grand enough ==I don't know what's wrong with it, it's just not good

Need a refined feel ==Copy Apple

Need to leverage users' existing habits ==Copy the competitors

Need to follow popular design trends ==Copy WeChat/Taobao/Didi...

What you're talking about is a different issue ==What I say is what's correct

What you're saying is the same as what I mean ==What I say is what's correct

We're discussing two different things ==What I say is what's correct

We have flexible working hours ==Overtime without pay

We have flat management ==There are only a few people in the company

We'll give you a lot of stock options ==We won't give you much salary

We have fruit platters every day! ==Probably the company's only benefit

The top priority is to capture the market ==Hurry up and issue crazy subsidies

Quickly build a moat around the user base ==Hurry up and drag them into WeChat groups

Need to get users to spread it organically ==Hurry up and make them share to their Moments

For healthy development, we need to start the next round of financing ==The company is out of money

We let go of some colleagues who couldn't keep up with the company's development ==The company is out of money

Actually, fighting a subsidy war doesn't align with our company's philosophy ==The company is out of money

We are looking for partners =We're just short of a programmer

We have a brilliant idea =We're just short of a programmer

We've adopted big data technology =The logs have never been cleared, they're all piling up, I don't know what use they are

We've adopted cloud technology =We rented a few servers at an IDC data center

Two, the product manager's jargon

Product design should follow the principle of ultimate simplicity ==I don't know how to do complex stuff either

Users should come, use, and leave ==I don't care if they come back

This is a conventional, typical practice ==I copied it from WeChat/Taobao/Didi...

Requirements need to tap into human nature ==Put more photos of beautiful women

Need to consider the user's usage scenario ==Add a night mode

The business model needs to form a closed loop ==Put stuff online and sell it

Need to build a complete user operations system ==Make a points mall

Need social elements to boost activity ==Stuff in an IM

The reason there are no users is because operations weren't done well ==It's not my fault

The bad experience is due to technical implementation issues ==It's not my fault

The ugly interface is because the design skills aren't good ==Anyway, none of it is my fault

Let me confirm this when I get back ==Stop talking, I didn't think of that

Are you there? ==The requirements are going to change

Bro, have you been tired lately? Want some milk tea? ==The requirements are going to change

Um... there's something... I'm not sure... ==The requirements are going to change

Next time I definitely won't change it ==Let's change it this time first, and we'll talk later

Your suggestion is great, we've already thought of it ==Damn, that actually makes sense, quick, file a requirement

We'll consider your suggestion ==This suggestion seems a bit stupid

Your suggestion is very inspiring ==Hahaha, what the hell is this thing

Three, the programmer's jargon

Your requirement is not clear ==I don't want to do it

The current technology can't achieve it ==I don't want to do it

The current server performance can't keep up ==I don't want to do it

Go ask the boss/project manager to schedule it ==I don't want to do it

Why do you keep changing requirements? ==F***ing hell

Why did you design it so complicated? ==F***ing hell

Why are you giving me so little time? ==F***ing hell

Are you there? ==It's going to be delayed

Bro, are you tired lately? Want some milk tea? ==It's going to be delayed

Um... there's something... I'm not sure... ==It's going to be delayed

Next time I definitely won't delay it ==Let's deal with it this time first, and we'll talk later

Step back a bit when you talk ==Don't spray saliva on my precious keyboard

Don't press your chest on the desk ==My precious keyboard can't handle it

Just tell me what to type, I'll do it myself ==Don't touch my precious keyboard with dirty hands

Why are you still using Word? ==Markdown is the best writing tool

Why are you still using a ThinkPad? ==Mac is the best computer

Why are you still self-studying Java? ==PHP is the best language

Reprinted from Liu Fei's Zhihu column "Liu Yan Fei Yu"