1
Similarities between bugs and mosquitoes:
1. You don’t know where they’re hiding.
2. You don’t know how many there are.
3. They always show up right when you’re about to go to sleep and rest.
2
A: I’ve been watching One Punch Man lately, and I think we programmers are a bit like Teacher Saitama!
B: How so?
A: The balder, the stronger!
B：……
3
Before National Day, a very cute female colleague suddenly asked me, “Are you free today?”
I was taken aback for a moment, thinking, “Finally a girl with discerning eyes!” So I smiled and answered, “Yes!”
Then… I swapped shifts with her…
4
Both PM and PM2.5 can harm programmers’ health.
It’s just that one is inside the company, the other is outside.
5
A programmer went for an interview. The interviewer asked: “You only graduated two years ago, so where did you get three years of work experience?!” The programmer replied: “Overtime.”
6
Required reading for programmers:
Stage 1:
- “C Language Programming and Design”
- “Advanced C++ Handbook”
- “Swift Introduction and Practice”
Stage 2:
- “How to Not Get Angry”
- “Laozi”
- “Silent Anger”
Stage 3:
- “Cervical Spondylosis Rehabilitation Guide”
- “Daily Care for Lumbar Disc Herniation”
- “Self-Recovery from OCD”
Stage 4:
- “To Live”
7
A few programmers went out to eat. Someone ordered a dish: spicy bullfrog. Then one of them said he didn’t eat bullfrog, so the person ordering directly drew two slashes in front of “spicy bullfrog,” like this:
// Spicy Bullfrog
No one at the scene thought there was anything wrong with that.
8
When I was a kid, I thought “early to bed, early to rise, makes you healthy” was just a slogan.
But after I honorably became a programmer, I realized these are damn three impossible wishes!
9
Boss: Xiao Cheng, the new version must go live before you get off work!
Xiao Cheng: OK.
The next day, the boss came to work and asked Xiao Cheng: Why isn’t the new version live yet?
Xiao Cheng: I haven’t gotten off work yet.
10
Two programmers. One is highly skilled, rigorous, responsible, with very few bugs, and still single. The other is average, sloppy, with a bunch of bugs, and is often called over by the female tester to receive criticism. Later he became her boyfriend…
11
A programmer friend of mine said he once spent €4,000 on a bag for a girl he had only dated for a week, then broke up with her immediately. I asked him why, why! He said because the girl had set a rule—if you don’t buy me a bag, you don’t love me. He thought that logic was f***ing ridiculous but hard to break. So, in order to defeat her logically, he bought the bag and then dumped her, proving, “I can send you a bag and still not love you.”
12
In the evening, for a classmate’s birthday, we went to sing KTV. A beautiful female engineer from his company insisted on a drinking contest with me. She said if she lost, she’d agree to do one thing for me, and if I lost, I’d have to do the same for her.
As expected, I won, so I couldn’t wait to take her home… hehehe…
After we got home, I looked into her big watery eyes and said with deep affection: “Please help me code, and also help me fix bugs.”
Afterward, I hid alone under the covers and secretly praised myself: I’m really goddamn clever!