1. Preparation ("To do a good job, one must first sharpen one's tools")
The computer doesn't need high specs, but dual monitors are a must—the bigger the better; one landscape and one portrait is even better. One for looking up information, one for writing code. In short, it should look like you have a huge amount of information and high efficiency.
The chair doesn't have to be comfortable, but it must allow you to recline halfway.
A large number of sticky notes in various colors, used to record daily tasks—the more the better. Along the bezel of the computer screen, stick as many as possible, to make it look like you have a lot to do.
Reference books—O'Reilly, China Machine Press, Electronic Industry Press, whatever. If they can be in English, use English; if not, photocopied versions are fine. In any case, the thicker the better. And don't put them on a bookshelf—stack them on the desk, half-open.
2. Starting from the moment you enter
Attire! Attire! Whether you go to a lab, a company building, a small company's house, or your own startup sweatshop; whether it's spring, summer, autumn, winter, day, night, windy, rainy, thunderstorm, typhoon, or tornado, a show-off programmer must pay great attention to their attire! Here are only reference suggestions. Beginner outfit: shirt + jeans + casual shoes. Intermediate outfit: T-shirt + loose shorts + slippers. Advanced outfit: vest + loose floral-print shorts + flip-flops.
Proper demeanor. In hallways and any kind of corridor, always walk with your hands in your pockets, like a hooligan, at least looking a bit antisocial. If that's not possible, you can go for the frail-genius geek style.
If there are women behind you pointing and whispering that you must be a technical guy, you should lower your head first, then while keeping your head down, slowly turn back, give a sly contemptuous smile without making a sound, and then walk on quickly.
After entering, do not greet anyone. Walk straight to your seat. At most, stop to get a cup of coffee on the way. Do not make any extra movements, showing your focus and undivided attention.
3. Once seated, don't move again
After sitting down, lean back slightly; crossing your legs is best. Then, while leaning back, lower your head to see the screen, and then don't move again.
Roughly push a gap through the big pile of books in front of the computer, then take off a sticky note from the computer, glance at it for no more than 3 seconds, and you can start coding.
If you can avoid using an IDE, do so. If you really can't fake it, then no matter what the IDE is, be sure to set it to the DOS-style black background.
If writing frontend UI, keep debugging backend code; if writing Java, mix in C; if writing C, mix in assembly. Not only should you code, but also from time to time flip through some English book; if you can't understand it, just look at the illustrations, then toss it in front of you, pretend you understood, and continue coding.
Use whatever looks high-end, regardless of practicality. For example, with C++: refactor all switches into polymorphism; if there are pointers, replace them all with smart pointers; always write your own templates in C++; replace all numbers with macros, and make the macro names as long as possible; structs shouldn't appear—if they do, be sure to decorate them with __attriburte__; all arithmetic is bitwise operations; all operators are overloaded; all networking uses concurrent buffered thread pools; ints are declared only with int32_t; no ordinary inheritance, but rather multiple inheritance, virtual inheritance, etc.; even Hello World must catch exceptions; when later generations see the code, with a pile of keywords like extern, asm, auto, XXXXX_cast, volatile, explicit, register, template, ordinary little programmers who always type int, if, else, for will suddenly feel great admiration.
Comments? Forget it. There are only two paths to choose: First, make variable names extremely long, so reading the code flows like reading an English article, no comments needed at all. Second, make the code extremely obscure, so comments make no difference.
Never use IM tools to communicate, never ask colleagues questions, as it makes you look unskilled. Always look things up online or in books yourself.
Whether colleagues are joking or any group event happens, don't look up, don't look around. Even in an earthquake or fire, be sure to commit your code before leaving.
4. Leave with style
When you leave, the main computer absolutely must not be turned off. At least run a daily build; if that's not possible, having an SVN commit in progress barely counts.
The books should already be piled up in front of the screen again. Don't tidy them up. Push them aside again tomorrow.
You don't have to be the last to leave, but you must wait until all non-programmers—marketing, receptionists, PMs, etc.—have all left before you can go.
When leaving, be spontaneous. Don't pack up anything. Stand up, walk out. Good, that's it.
If you must say one sentence today, find the most miserable programmer and say to him, "You're too slow; don't always make me wait."